“Oil and incense gladden the heart, And the sweetness of a friend is better than one’s own counsel.”[1]
My longest friendship outside of relatives started in my teens. I can point to the exact circumstances that formed our friendship. I have friendships that are far newer that hold a similar heft. I’ve come to believe that friendship is born of love irrespective of the time attached to a shared lived experience. In the book All About Love, the late bell hooks defined love as “the will to nurture our own and another’s spiritual growth.”[2] I like this definition because it removes the sentimentality or cathexis i.e., “investment of mental or emotional energy in a person, object, or idea,”[3] that hooks said is too often confused for love.[4]
As a friend, I am concerned for your and my spiritual wellbeing, which is inclusive of our whole persons. I’m in a mutual relationship with you as we “friend” the Divine. I do think that is pretty sweet.
However, friending God is a newer relationship for me. Like many of you, I’ve sung “What a friend we have in Jesus” and Israel Houghton’s “Friend of God.” And I still have this residual concern that I might be a little big for my britches to call God a friend. I am recognizing that if I’m in the posture of friendship with God, I’m more likely to vocalize my honesty. It isn’t enough to have God read my mind or already anticipate my every move. In a friendship, I’m called to be conscious of what is really going on inside of me, own it, and hold God accountable to do God’s job to guide me better than my own consultation. God says to me,
I appreciate you, friend, for being on this journey with Me.
Love,
God
I’m compelled by my growing friendship with God to be in community. Friending God transforms my friendship with others. I’m more likely to care for and with us all wholly. I’m nudged to let go of exhausting myself with the perfect set of sweeping egocentric gestures to prove my love to you and God. I am more open to authentic presence. I stop trying to emulate a savior. (Am I the only one?)
Perhaps, in being in friendship with us all, I learn simpler, meaningful expressions of love or growing together for me, you, and You. I come to know myself, you, and You more deeply in our friendship. I get to love me, you, and You through accountability, shared wrestlings, and even the mundane. I get to celebrate me, you, and You with wild applause. I get to be a fully expressed image of God. What a friend…
While we’re in the space of openness Pastor Eli introduced yesterday, I pray this year we accept God’s invitation to deepen our friendship. I’m told it’s a sure thing.
I’ve included another song that I count as a love note from God, our friend, to pass between each other. You’re welcome to enjoy it with me.
Dionne Warwick, “That’s What Friends Are For” ft. Elton John, Gladys Knight, and Steve Wonder
[1] Proverbs 27:9, Jewish Study Bible.
[2] bell hooks, All About Love (New York: HarperCollins, 2000), 19.
[3] https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/cathexis
[4] bell hooks, 19.