A Bethany Fellows Reflection
As the sunset over Bellwether Farm, I reflected on my last retreat as a Bethany Fellow. Since 2020, I have had the incredible privilege of being a part of a group of pastors serving their first parish. The Bethany Way is rooted in prayer, silence, contemplation, and community. We take time to share our questions, our growing edges, and what we notice about the movement of the Spirit in our lives, churches, and world. We engage in learning wise practices from other ministers during a day of continuing education. We listen to the Spirit and rest in a day of silence. And we explore the local area in an afternoon and evening of adventure.
This time, as I journaled during the sunset in my last day of silence as a Fellow, I thought about our growth as a community and mine as a minister within it. I gave thanks for this community so rooted in abundance and learning. And, I thought about how comfortable I have become with silence.
My first retreat, I entered the day of silence with anxiety and a plan. I scheduled myself for each hour of the day, a writing prompt here, meditation there, reading two chapters before lunch etc. This time, I entered into silence with only unanswerable questions and no plan. It was a most holy day of exploration, rest, and reflection.
Before entering into silence we meet in small groups to discuss what we are carrying into it. Watching the shadows grow long across the farm, I realized have come a long way from expecting a quick answer from God. I realized I have become more comfortable with the silence, with the questions, with sitting on the liminal.
Coming out of silence with the same small group, I shared with them my urge for reconciliation, for answers, for a landing place — and how during this silence I came to understand how following the Bethany Way is not about seeking silence for the purpose of hearing a specific answer from God but instead is about befriending the liminal, befriending the silence, befriending the questions.
Thank you, church, for your support of my participation of this program that has taught me how to befriend the silence. This weekend, I wonder what wisdom you might find in yourself if you too befriend the Bethany Way, accepting the invitation to sitting in the questions, befriending the liminal, and welcoming the silence.
With gratitude and thanksgiving,
Pastor Lauren
Lost by David Wagoner
Lost
Stand still.
The trees ahead and bushes beside you
Are not lost.
Wherever you are is called Here,
And you must treat it as a powerful stranger,
Must ask permission to know it and be known.
The forest breathes. Listen.
It answers,
I have made this place around you.
If you leave it, you may come back again, saying Here.
No two trees are the same to Raven.
No two branches are the same to Wren.
If what a tree or a bush does is lost on you,
You are surely lost. Stand still.
The forest knows
Where you are.
You must let it find you.